Why Do Men Cheat?

why men cheat Why Do Men Cheat?

Why do men cheat? I touched on this in a previous post on men moving too fast sexually and why it bothers girls to no end. It boils down to THREE things: 1) Sex drive determined by genetics 2) women who empower men to cheat (it takes two to tango and men are cheating with another woman), and 3) men who are not in love with you because they are not satisfied with themselves.  All the men who cheat will fall into one of these three categories, its that simple. Once you understand why men cheat, you should definitely read up on how to spot  a cheating boyfriend , the 19 deadly signs of cheating, and how to understand men to round you out. Though honestly, if  your man is cheating you will find out. Were not that clever.

Men cheat because of sex drive as determined by our genetics. Our genetics were determined by our ancestors, and our ancestors were not monogamous. For men, any extra sex outside of a committed relationship is a freebie; a genetic bonus for us to spread our selves out in the gene pool. Their is no risk (or was no risk if we consider 1000 years ago) for us to cheat as we do not get pregnant and are not saddled with the responsibility for careing for the child. The girl is. We (men and women) are NOT descended from males who turned down opportunities to have sex. As such, that trait, that high sex drive, is carried forward perpetually to each and every new generation. Regardless of ethics, it is ironic how women complain about men’s infidelity, but that infidelity is why we are all here today. Is it right? Is it fair? That is completely debatable and  I hope you battle it out in the comments, but it is what it is.

So what traits in men does having a high sex drive cause? First off, studies show that men think about sex more than women. About twice as much on any given day. Men are also more easily aroused than women; and men seek sex out and require it more than women at all phases of dating than women: the beginning of the relationship, the middle, and years after. Men also want more sex partners than women and are more open to having causual sex than women are. Men also respond to drugs like Viagra and Cialis where women have no direct counter part. Partly because sex is much simplier for men than women. For men, sex is more physical than emotional. For women, sex and the related sex drive is much more complicated. It is based on emotions, society and cultural influences.  Like my biology teacher always told me. “The answer to why we are here is sex. We are here to have sex and carry forward our genes”. Men seem to be equipped with a sex drive to do just that. Men have every reason and incentive to have sex when possible and spread their genetic material. Girls on the other hand, must be much more careful about who their intimate with. Since they will be saddled with child, they must chose a man who has and or both good genes AND is a good provider traits.

Sex is very important to men. Men need to have sex. Particularly when in a relationship, sex allows us to feel close to you. I can not stress this enough. Men NEED to have sex. So unless you made it clear your celebant and waiting for marriage, or are constrained by religious reasons, (men will actually like this about you if its true and genuine, he will wait if he falls in love so no worries, I’m talking about the average-sexually active relationship) men will get it from somewhere else. I don’t care if he is a dork accountant of a high power CEO. Men all think the same. You can not expect him to sit around and do with out. No man is an angel, and our genes force us to be otherwise. Sex, support, and loyalty are what we need from women when in a relationship. Anyone of those things are lacking, trouble will start brewing.

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Women empower men to cheat. Men could not cheat if women did not allow it. Just like men have women they would like to conquer, so do women. Why do you think we have the term “groupie” in our lexicon? You think a groupie for Motley Crue, the NBA, or hell even Tiger Woods cares that the man is married? Obviously NO!  These men have high status in the eyes of women. The posses the confidence and leadership that women like. They are their own man that have their act together. Their no ones boy, they make it on their own and do very well for themselves and are successful and fulfilled regardless of any woman. Top that off, they also have a look and style about them that women find physically attractive. Men cheat  because other women that will allow it.  As any guy knows, what a woman says her beliefs and values are; and what she wants in a man. Compared to her actual behavior and the men she dates are normally two very different things.

To stop a guy from cheating, first, raise your expectation on men. Until the clothes come off, you have all the power. Stop jumping into bed so quickly with men that you know little about. Remember the 60 day rule. Do not have sex with a guy till after 60 days. Get to know him first, and  if he sticks around then he likes something about you beyond the way your butt looks in those jeans. The 60 day rules apply also to establishing a title. Like establishing that your in a committed relationship. Girls move too fast emotionally for most men. Men need more time to figure out that they like you and that you have the qualities they want in a girlfriend. Yes, the man will want to sleep with you, but that does not mean he like you and wants to be committed to you. Remember, men have a naturally high sex drive. So take some time, date multiple men, just don’t sleep around. When you find a guy who you think has the qualities YOU want, take the time to get to know him. Give him time to figure out if your what he wants. If you do this and a relationship spurs from it. It will have a good chance of being a good and healthy relationship, where he won’t stray. Why? Because you have the qualities he wants. Like self respect, maturity, responsibility. Making him wait, and want you for you, is a good thing. Let him prove he is worthy do be with you before you start handing out benefits. Also, be worthy of it yourself. You will attract what you project. You a party girl that sleeps around? Don’t be surprised if you attract a good looking womanizer.

On a side note, girls, stop trying to understand men base on the way YOU think. Stop applying YOUR thought process to men. The way you think and the way you treat us has NOTHING to do with the way we think and the way we treat you. This is a big problem with dating. Men understand little about female preferences, and female understand little about male preferences. Men cheat for completely different reasons than women.

Men will cheat when they are not in love with you. Now that sounds harsh, but what I mean is that a man is not able to love you for you until he is happy with himself. Until that man has his act together. That he is the man he wants to be. Is doing what he wants to do. And is making the kind of money he is comfortable and confident with so he knows he can provide and protect you the way he was taught to provide and protect women. He will never be able to truly committed to you, or any woman for that matter. So be careful when dating such a man. If the man is unemployed, or is in a job he hates, he has to fix himself before he can focus on a woman properly. Women live in a constant state of anxiety and worry. Most men don’t understand this, but what this causes is that women need lots of love and attention, constantly and consistently. Why? To reassure them that their man and their relationship is ok. That he still loves and thinks about her. When a man is not in a place in life where he is happy and confident with his work, his income, and who he is as a man. He simply won’t fully commit to you. Since he won’t commit to you, he will have difficulty falling in love with you as he will be pre-occupied with other equaly important things. If he does not fall in love with you, the man will be more tempted to stray if the opportunity shows up. Your best bet is to be either: 1) Supportive of your man. Tell him you believe in him, that you want him to succeed. That your loyal to him and love him. If things do turn around for him, and he starts to take off, you can bet that you will be coming along for the ride because you demonstrated a quality than ALL men need. Remember, this kind of support along with regular intimacy, is a critical need for any man.  However, if you lack confidence in your man’s ability to pull himself up, then perhaps option 2 would be best for you; and that option is to find  a new man. Let him figure his life out, and go find someone that can meet your needs as a woman. No sense in having two perpetually unhappy people.

So why do men cheat? They cheat because of an inherently high sex drive, they cheat because the women let the man cheat, and lastly they cheat when their not in love and don’t have their life together yet. Men are simple, as it really comes down to one of of those three scenarios. So internalize this, remember this, and use this knowledge of why men cheat to your advantage and game plan when dating. Know what to look for, and kknkow what to avoid. You will be happier and better for it once you truly understand why men cheat and NOT why YOU think men cheat.

image © claudiaveja

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