Understanding Men: What Drives Them

Real men are ambitious men. It is as simple as that. Remember, Were simple creatures, and as long as you have that in mind, understanding why we do what we do will be much easier. More important than what we say, is what we are. The reality is that no matter if a man is a doctor, lawyer, CEO, or a scam artist, everything he does is filtered through that title, or rather, his status in society. The next part is how he achieved that status. For example, Gurbash Chalal built a 10 million dollar a year advertising company in two years by the time he was 18. The story on how a man achieved his goal is just as important as his current position in life. We all want that story that shows our scrappy, resoursefull nature to come from nothing and achieve something. The final part is how much cash we take home a year, the reward for our efforts. How much we make matters, but not in the sense so we can buy a lot of stuff, but more as a sense of pride. These three things: WHo he is, what he has done, and how much he makes, are the top priority of any ambitious man you meet. To the point where a man won’t feel like a man until he has accomplished what he desires most in life and feels complete and fulfilled in these areas. So, any ambitious men you date, or engaged to, or perhaps even married (not sure if any married persons read this blog) will be too busy to give you the attention you want and probobly deserve.
I write this from the heart because this happens to be my current situation. At 24 years old I had a good paying job and a girl that loved me, however I had a job I hated and was completly unfulfiled within that relationship. What I had always desired but never (untill a few years ago) had the courage was to be an entreprenur, to blaze a path of my own, to create something that can not be taken from: ie fired, downsized, layed off and so forth. And lastly to be in charge of my income and achieve the freedom I always dreamed of. Needless to say this drive resulted in the dissolution of many relationships with many good girls that any man would be lucky to have. Why? As I said, ambitous men won’t feel like a man untill he has achived his goal, he will be focused completly on his tasks set before him. This is me, and I am sure many other men out there. A man on a mission.
Look at any boy. From the time a man is a boy, he is taught how to be a man. To be strong, stand up for himself, fight when need, get up and not cry. Compete, play sports, climb trees, scale rocks, be brave. A boy is taught to protect women and childeren, to look out for his siblings, and watch over the house. A boy is taught to work, get the groceries out of the car, take out the trash, look after the dog, shovel snow, and get a job as soon as he is old enough to. Finaly and most importantly, a boy is taught to make something of himself, to make his family proud, so when he shows up, everyone knows who he is, what he does, and admires how successfull he has made himself. This is all preparation for a boy on how to be a man.
Also, this does not change as a man gets older, it only amplifies the, “what am I going to do with my life”. This only becomes more and more important. Until a man is satisfied, you girls reading this will not fit into a mans life. If a man can not take care of himself, he is not thinking about the house and kids. Settling down is just not an option. Now I am not saying he need to be 30 or 40 years old till he is ready to settle down, but he has to be on his way to achieving his goals. Take a lawyer for example, once the guy who wants to be a lawyer is accepted to a good law school and knows exactly where he wants to end up in a few years, he is on his way to achieveing his goals.
This  drive EVERY man has, it is the core of what is means to be a man. Wheather he is an astronaught, or a country music star, a mob boss, or a school teacher. Being able to take care of himself, his woman, provide for her, to protect his childeren, to give them what they need to succeed. This is what every man wants. Anything less is unacceptable, and is not what being a man is about.

understand men2 Understanding Men: What Drives Them

Trying to learn the art of understanding men, first always boils down to understanding what drives them. If you want to understand the men in your life, and why they do what they do, then keep this in your head. First, men are simple. Second thing, do not project how you think or feel on to how we think or feel because the two have nothing in common; and third, men are linear in thinking (one thing at a time) and are naturally ambitious and competitive. Again very simple. Men are not too complex and we are all pretty similar in our thinking, and in what drives us. That is, 1) having our own life and identity, 2) doing something related to that identity, and 3) being compensated well enough for our efforts.

First part, our own life and identity: More important than what we say, is what we are. I don’t care if a man is a doctor, lawyer, CEO, security guard, player, pickup artist, or farmer, everything he does is filtered through that title, or rather, that status. Next is his identity related work: If a guy says he is a firefighter, the title along with related work to earn the title, in this example, is saving lives is critical. For example, Gurbash Chalal, a young man who built a 10 million dollar a year advertising company in two years by the time he was 18 is a self described serial entrepreneur and self made millionaire. Being able to say I am Gurbash Chalal and I am a self maid millionaire entrepreneur, OR I’m Jake and I am a firefighter who saves lives, is incredibly important in a man’s identity. Men do not want simply a title, they want to earn the recognition of that title. If they don’t genuinely earn the title, it feels meaningless. The final part to understanding men, is being fairly compensated for our efforts. We want to be able to take care of ourselves and a woman the way we want too.

How much we make matters, it allows us to buy cool toys to impress you and other men, but it is much more as a sense of pride and status. A way to show off, and take care of ourselves and others the way we want to. These three things: Identity, work, compensation, are the top priority of any  man you meet. To the point where a man won’t feel like a man until he has accomplished, or is on his way to accomplishing that which he desires most in regards to his identity, work, and compensation. Then and only then will a man feel complete and fulfilled in these areas.

So, any man you date, or are engaged to, or perhaps even married (not sure if any married persons read this blog) he will be too busy to give you the attention you want and probably deserve, until  he is satisfied with his identity, his work and his compensation for his efforts. These three things are integral for manliness.

For example, lets talk a little about me personally. My main focus is on becoming the man I want to be, building a stable income, so I can take care of myself and a girl the way I want too, the way I was raised too. Being a self employed entrepreneur myself, I just do not have the time to devote to a serious relationship. I am too focused on my career. Not out of selfishness, but out of desire to have more for my life then the standard 8-6 most people do. I want to be a millionaire, I want to be able to travel the world now, not 30 years from now, with a girlfriend or a wife with me. I want to afford that wedding, and have that home and that car. These things, not simply money, is what drives me. It is what drives all men. Men can not relax and give serious thought with a girl in regards to dating seriously, marriage, kids, the house until they have what they want or are on their way to getting what they want. Time with girls can only fit in the cracks of free time in our lives until were on our way to becoming the man we want to be. A man won’t feel like a man until he has figured out his identity, does work that is meaningful, and makes a decent income at it. When a man is on a mission to get his life in order, it is madness, and settling down is the last thing on the list, if it is even on the list.

Understanding Men: Why are we this way?

To understand men, look at any boy. From the time a man is a boy, he is taught how to be a man. To be strong, stand up for himself, fight when need, get up and not cry. Compete, play sports, climb trees, scale rocks, be brave. A boy is taught to protect women and children, to look out for his siblings, and watch over the house. A boy is taught to work, get the groceries out of the car, take out the trash, look after the dog, shovel snow, and get a job as soon as he is old enough to. Finally and most importantly, a boy is taught to make something of himself, to make his family proud, so when he shows up, everyone knows who he is, what he does, and admires how successful he has made himself. This is all preparation for a boy on how to be a man.

Also, this does not change as a man gets older, age only amplifies the, “what am I going to do with my life”. This only becomes more and more important. As it become more important, time for a serious relationship become less important until a man is fulfilled. Now I am not saying he needs to be 30 or 40 years old and a millionaire to be ready to settle down, but he has to be on his way to achieving his goals. Take a lawyer for example, once the guy who wants to be a lawyer is accepted to a good law school and knows exactly where he wants to end up in a few years, he is on his way.

This drive EVERY man has, it is the core of what is means to be a man. Whether he is an astronaut, or a country music star, a mob boss, or a school teacher.  Taking care of ourselves, being the protector of our woman, and providing for our children, is how we were taught. It is why everything we do is geard toward making this happen. So we can feel rest assured that everyone and everything is taken care of, and we can sleep with a clear mind. Anything less is unacceptable.

Another important point in understanding men is that we want to be the leader at some point our lives. To be the decision maker, the one others go to for answers. We know were not going to be the leader in every situation, and don’t desire to be. We just desire to be the leader somewhere in our lives. This doesn’t seem to be something women care about particularly, but to men it is deeply important, almost instinctive. Some are leaders and some are followers, but no man wants to live his life completely as a follower.  We want to lead so we can show off, so girls can see that were in charge, and to get the benefit from girls knowing were in charge. Otherwise there isn’t much point in being the leader if there are no perks with the position.

To understand men is to understand what pushes us, what kicks us out of bed every morning. So, when he works all the time, is never home, does not talk to you much, watches his money; it is because he is working towards figuring out his identity, his work,  and building his income. Be happy for this at the least, it is better than a bum who does not know who he is or what he does, makes no money and  is not working towards figuring it out.  When a man is not where he wants to be in life, and is not on track to becoming the man he wants to be, this is a source for unhappiness at worst, complacency at best with life. Both are terrible, and will cause a man to have mood swings. This is why men don’t want to sit down and “talk” about how we feel. The problem is clear, the solution is not. A man on a mission is not interested in talking how he feels about his situation, he is interested in improving his situation, so he can be the man he wants to be, and get on living the life he want’s too.

Understanding Men: What you can do

If a man is not on track, simply put, he has no time for you because he cannot be the man he wants to be for you. When he hasn’t figured out the career he wants, and is making an income he is happy with, he can not sit around and day dream with you about what your children are going to look like, or what kind of home you should buy, or where your going to get married. Not being on track is a big anxiety for men. So to understand men, understand that getting our shit together is our top priority before anyone or anything.

Most girls do not get this. Girls tend to think, hey if you love me like you say you do, then you should trust me and talk to me about your problems so we can work together to achieve your dreams, that’s what being in a relationship is all about. To girls, building the foundation of the relationship with a man, no matter where he is in life, is just as important as developing security. Which is nice, but it is not how men operate. Linear thinking, until we are on track to or have already achieved our dreams, our eyes are on the prize and nothing else. We literally cannot enjoy life and enjoy you until we get rid of the anxiety of “what the heck am I going to do with my life” question. Also as I said earlier, do not apply your thought process to us, the two have nothing in common.

The way you can help a man, is to help him focus on his dream. A man does not have to be making a ton of money right away, he just has to be on the right path, on the verge of having his dreams be realized. What he wants is clear, how he is going to get there is clear, and eventually he knows the money will follow. So,  if you can see yourself as part of his dream, as part of his plan to achieve his dream, then jump on board, because when that man become as successful as he wants to be, he will be alive and happy; and so will you! Other girls will look at you envious of the great man you have and wonder why are you so lucky. The reason is no accident. You understand something they don’t. Men.

**THANKS FOR READING. LEAVE A COMMENT OR SHARE THIS W/ OTHERS **
  • Digg
  • Reddit
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • email link Understanding Men: What Drives Them
  • Print