This is the third part of a three part series on men moving to fast sexually, women moving too fast emotionally, how this makes dating difficult, and some solutions. Part 1 was on men moving fast sexually and part 2 was the discussion on women moving fast emotionally.
Men have a tendency too move to quick physically and sexually that is very annoying to girls. Men have to internalize the following sentence: Share your head before your bed. Men are hunters, to be succesful at hunting requires agression. Also, men did not decend from men who gave up opportunities for sex. Put these two together and you have a modern world with modern men meeting a nice girl off line and ruining it by inviting them over their house immediately, becoming too touchy feely to soon, and putting the girl off by being overly aggressive when you don’t even know each other. This sort of behavior translates into one simple phrase I am sure most girls agree on: Men are only interested in me for sex.
Girls are just as interested in sex as men, if not more. Sex is fun and it does a body good. The difference primarily is that for women, sex is not on the mind constantly like the way it is with men. Women live in a state of worry and anxiety. While men think everything is fine, girls have on their mind, a sense of worry and concern about there safety, their family, their physical appearance, their finances, their relationships. Perfect example: I dated a girl, everything was going fine. I drove 40 minutes to her store (she owned her own small business) and she introduced me to one of her friends. I took a genuine interest in her friend and talked with her about who she is as a person, what her goals are and what she would like to accomplish.
The result? After I left and both girls talked about me. The normal girl talk, what do you think of him? Is he cute? That sort of thing. Her friend told the girl I was dating to watch for me. That she shouldent get too close and attached to me because I might me a womanizer. That, perhaps the only reason I drove 40 minutes to see her was that I was also seeing someone else in the area. As a man, I left both girls on a high note, thinking everything was fine as most men would. The two girls on the other hand, basically made stuff up to worry about. Just understand that this is how girls are. What you must do as a man, is to calm her natural anxieties by constantly showing you care.
So for men, you move fast sexually and girls move fast emotionally. Do This:
- Remember, being a charming gentleman will get you what you want. Understand your sex drive, but remember to keep it in check as letting it control you will ruin any chances of getting a quality girl. Make it about her, take the time to talk and listen to her. Be fun and confident. Do not get overtly sexual. Let her start it.
- Now I dident say be Mr. Overly Nice and Accommodating. That is never attractive to girls. They want leadership and confidence in you. Like, “Hi Kristen, you should go out with me this Saturday to a show going on in downtown. I’m not sure what will do after, but well have a great time”. NOT, “hey Kristen, I think your sexy. Maybe we could go out sometime? Just a thought, let me know”.
- Project strength, leadership, confidence, and basically a “I don’t give a shit” attitude. Meaning you genuinely aren’t bothered by rejection, if the girl says no, no big deal. This, in combination with being a fun and thoughtful gentleman. You will attract women. Understand that if you sleep with a girl, she will form an emotional bond to you more quickly.
Girls, you can’t blame a man for trying. Truly understand this, most men you meet will want to sleep with you. But the good thing, the thing that so many girls fail to understand is that your pulling all the strings till the clothes come off. Let that empower you. Have fun with it. Make a man work for it. Now, by “work for it”, I don’t mean to make the man feel like he is jumping through hops for you. That will drive him away. Instead, play hard to get, be sexual, sexy, and suggestive. Just don’t get physical right away. UNLESS if it is you that just wants sex.
If you want to know if a man is interested in you or not, I keep telling women this over and over. Do not sleep with the man untill after 60 days. Give it two whole months, maybe a little bit more. You know, and I know, that once you sleep with a guy your emotions will kick in and you will become more attached to the man. By not sleeping with him right away your avoid becoming too attached AND you can weed out the guys who are just sexually attracted to you from the guys who are sexually attracted to you, but are also interested in you as a person.
It also gives comfort to the man to know your not fast and lose. If a man sleeps with you right away, he may not be able to have a relationship with you because he just would be unable to trust you. If he slept with you on the second date, then if you start dating for a few months, how will he know when you have a “girls night out” or if he has to be away for a week on work, that you will not do what you did with him?
Lastly, following the 60 day rule, also remember to give a man a chance. IF their was an inital attraction. Girls move to fast emotionally, meaning they make up their mind about men with out getting to know them. Be it that after one or two dates their in love and want the guy to be their boyfriend OR the opposite, after one date they disqualify the man forever. Both these scenarios are two damn fast. Love takes time. When it comes to dating men or dating women, relationships take time. Any relationship, friendship, business, personal, takes time. You don’t consider someone your best friend after hanging out with the once correct? Just the same logic should be applied to your romantic relationships. Disqualify a man after you went out on 4 or 5 dates with him. Just the same, don’t pressure the guy to be your boyfriend after one or two dates.
After all this, you must love dating. This is inherently what makes finding the right person so difficult. Moving to fast emotionally and physically. Both sides need to slow it down in their own unique way. Develop an attraction over time. Not over years mind you, just a month or two. Get to know each other first with no expectations. Enjoy one another company and most importantly have fun! Dating and meeting new people and having new experiences should be fun. But that is all up to you and your approach to life and relationships.