Posts tagged

dating guys

Internet Dating and Super Awesome lying

super nerdy super awesome kid

Your a liar. I’m a liar. Were all liars. Everyone tells white lies about themselves so how do you spot the online dating liar, since we can agree that most everyone is a bit deceptive. First off, why doesn’t everyone come completely clean about themselves? Well my experience is that you need to lie enough to get to coffee but also not to lie too much not get in bed. What I mean by this is that site like Eharmony and Chemistry.com, with there surveys and questions and more surveys and more questions…man does this take forever… does a good job at matching, that people do find love and end up happy.

But it always boils down to what you look like, or more specifically what your pic looks like. Sure what you write is important, long or short messages, when to ask out, when to exchange numbers, but I can tell you, If a guy thinks you look hot in that pic,  he will have no problem meeting you, regardless of what you say. Seriously! For guys though, girls really do care about what you write. With girls I would say the profile pic is 90% of the battle and as long as you don’t say anything stupid your in. Kind of like in real life if you think about it, but you need to focus on that last 10%, your approach and how you sell yourself do matter.

Guys are Creepy

So I meet this very cute Brazilian Au-pair (type of foreign exchange student program) of a dating site and we went out for a nice evening in Darien CT. Since I write Super Awesome Dating I am always curious to get a female perspective on dating and online  dating, this whole crazy process. First off, she told me that they don’t do online dating in Brazil. There is enough culture and social events that meeting people is easy, in contrast to the US. Once your out of High School and College, the most obvious question if your single is how the heck do I meet quality people? This is why online dating is so popular here.

She told me about her first experience meeting a guy off a dating site. The guy she meet she thought he was really cute, blond hair, blue eyes, said he was 6 ft and 180 lbs. So she meet him at a cafe one night. The “date” if you can call it that lasted a whole 5 minutes. Why? Because guys are creepy that’s why! The guy showed up and he was not a 6ft blond blue eyed white guy, he was a 5 ft 7 in Indian dude. I was a bit shocked by this. Why would any guy think that’s a good idea? Remember what I said:

lie enough to get to coffee, but not too much to not get to bed Read More…

How to get your EX back

how to get your ex back

You broke up. SO you want to know how to get your ex back? Well grab something to drink and do a little reading because I am about to tell you. First off, its more complicated and we need to break down the different types of breakups. Who did the break up and what were the circumstances around the destruction of your relationship. It should be clear, dating a guy is different from dating a girl, and dating a girl is different from dating a guy. First off lets go over some basic things for both sexes.

Keep contact directly after the break up to a minimum

Breaking up sucks, it is emotional and both of you are not in a clear state of mind. When someone is your ex, let them be your ex for a while so you can collect your thoughts and think more rationally about what happened. Take one of my friends, lets call him James (its not James btw). James is a decent guy, dated this girl for over a year, was never really sure about his feelings for his girl. His girl though, was in love with James. The two were going about there relationship nicely, until his girlfriend bought a condo and asked James to move in. James hesitated. Thoughts ran through his head :

Living Together: Engagement: Marriage: Rest of his life: A Very Unhappy James

So James, instead of being a man and breaking it off with his girlfriend,  made up excuses as to why he wouldn’t move in. Frustrated with James, not simply over this issue, but also a culmination of reasons. Which can  basically be summed up as James inability to be the man she wants, because he never really wanted to be her man in the first place. Went out with two guys she just meet at the condo complex she just moved into. Two guys Jame never meet. Can you guess what happened? Yep she cheated on James. Relationship over.

Now, James never even wanted to date her really, but now he is all messed up in the head, wanting to know how to get your ex back. The moral of the story is that you need time apart from one another. Sure they may start dating someone else, but usually rebound relationships are full of problems. Spending time apart is the best way to ensure you get your ex back. Take a few months, don’t call, don’t text, don’t ANYTHING. This is what I told my friend James. Time apart allowed him to clear his head, and realize that he never wanted to be with her in the first place. He was just being emotional. Next Up: Read More…

GirlFriend Keeper, love on autopilot

sexy bikini girl

The Iphone has a crazy amount of apps, the “girlfriend keeper” might be one of the more fun ones. You can pick it up for a buck (.99 cents us). First off, the app’s name is pretty ironic as it shows off nicely the emotional capacity us men sometimes have.  When I set this one up, that Jay Z song, “Girls Girls Girls” kept playing my head for some reason.

Keeping up with your girlfriend can be such a pain, “you don’t say nice things like you used to” your girlfriend is always telling you. Well this app attempts to fix that, and is either a fun and silly take on flirtation or its the most lazy way to say I love you! You set up the app to send generically customized texts, e-mails, or both to your special person, and all you do is sit back and relax and let the app take care of all that emotional stuff women love.  Nothing says ”thinking of you” more than an auto responder! Head’s up to the play playas out their. Girlfriend Keeper It is set up for one person at a time, so don’t buy this app and plan on managing multiple girls. Although, I suppose you could keep one on autopilot with this and really work over someone new. I’m sure in the future they will update the app for multiple relationships. Also, the app also keeps a history of all the love notes you sent, might not be a bad idea to read through once in a while what you’ve been sending. Read More…

How to Understand men

Real men are ambitious men. It is as simple as that. Remember, Were simple creatures, and as long as you have that in mind, understanding why we do what we do will be much easier. More important than what we say, is what we are. The reality is that no matter if a man is a doctor, lawyer, CEO, or a scam artist, everything he does is filtered through that title, or rather, his status in society. The next part is how he achieved that status. For example, Gurbash Chalal built a 10 million dollar a year advertising company in two years by the time he was 18. The story on how a man achieved his goal is just as important as his current position in life. We all want that story that shows our scrappy, resoursefull nature to come from nothing and achieve something. The final part is how much cash we take home a year, the reward for our efforts. How much we make matters, but not in the sense so we can buy a lot of stuff, but more as a sense of pride. These three things: WHo he is, what he has done, and how much he makes, are the top priority of any ambitious man you meet. To the point where a man won’t feel like a man until he has accomplished what he desires most in life and feels complete and fulfilled in these areas. So, any ambitious men you date, or engaged to, or perhaps even married (not sure if any married persons read this blog) will be too busy to give you the attention you want and probobly deserve.
I write this from the heart because this happens to be my current situation. At 24 years old I had a good paying job and a girl that loved me, however I had a job I hated and was completly unfulfiled within that relationship. What I had always desired but never (untill a few years ago) had the courage was to be an entreprenur, to blaze a path of my own, to create something that can not be taken from: ie fired, downsized, layed off and so forth. And lastly to be in charge of my income and achieve the freedom I always dreamed of. Needless to say this drive resulted in the dissolution of many relationships with many good girls that any man would be lucky to have. Why? As I said, ambitous men won’t feel like a man untill he has achived his goal, he will be focused completly on his tasks set before him. This is me, and I am sure many other men out there. A man on a mission.
Look at any boy. From the time a man is a boy, he is taught how to be a man. To be strong, stand up for himself, fight when need, get up and not cry. Compete, play sports, climb trees, scale rocks, be brave. A boy is taught to protect women and childeren, to look out for his siblings, and watch over the house. A boy is taught to work, get the groceries out of the car, take out the trash, look after the dog, shovel snow, and get a job as soon as he is old enough to. Finaly and most importantly, a boy is taught to make something of himself, to make his family proud, so when he shows up, everyone knows who he is, what he does, and admires how successfull he has made himself. This is all preparation for a boy on how to be a man.
Also, this does not change as a man gets older, it only amplifies the, “what am I going to do with my life”. This only becomes more and more important. Until a man is satisfied, you girls reading this will not fit into a mans life. If a man can not take care of himself, he is not thinking about the house and kids. Settling down is just not an option. Now I am not saying he need to be 30 or 40 years old till he is ready to settle down, but he has to be on his way to achieving his goals. Take a lawyer for example, once the guy who wants to be a lawyer is accepted to a good law school and knows exactly where he wants to end up in a few years, he is on his way to achieveing his goals.
This  drive EVERY man has, it is the core of what is means to be a man. Wheather he is an astronaught, or a country music star, a mob boss, or a school teacher. Being able to take care of himself, his woman, provide for her, to protect his childeren, to give them what they need to succeed. This is what every man wants. Anything less is unacceptable, and is not what being a man is about.

understand men

Guys say girls are crazy, and girls say guys are stupid; because we think very differently, much of the time their is a lack of understanding on the actions of the other sex. If you want to understand men, and why they do what they do, then keep this in your head. Men are simple. This is the big secret. Second thing, men are linear in thinking (one thing at a time) and are naturally ambitious and competitive. Again very simple . Remember, guys are simple straight forward  creatures, and as long as you have that in mind, everything will begin to fall into place. There are three ways ALL men identify themselves: who they are, what they do, and how much they make.  First part, who he is: More important than what we say, is what we are. I don’t care if a man is a doctor, lawyer, CEO, security guard or a scam artist, everything he does is filtered through that title, or rather, his status. What he does: Also part of understanding men is how that man achieved that status. For example, Gurbash Chalal built a 10 million dollar a year advertising company in two years by the time he was 18. The path a man took to achieved his goal is just as important as his current position in life. Being able to say I am G Chalal and I am a self maid millionaire entrepreneur, OR I’m Jake and I am the security director for the local mall, is incredibly important in a man’s identity. The final part, to understand men, is how much cash we take home a year, the reward for our efforts. How much we make matters, but not in the sense so we can buy a lot of stuff, but more as a sense of pride and status. A way to show off, and take care of ourselves and others the way we want to. These three things: Who he is, what he has done, and how much he makes, are the top priority of any  man you meet. To the point where a man won’t feel like a man until he has accomplished, or is on his way to accomplishing that which he desires most in life. Then and only then will a man feel complete and fulfilled in these areas. So, any man you date, or engaged to, or perhaps even married (not sure if any married persons read this blog) will be too busy to give you the attention you want and probably deserve, until  he is satisfied with who he is, what he does, and is compensated well enough for his efforts. Read More…

He has not slept with enough girls yet

sexy girl

I have been dating this guy for almost a year now and at the start of our relationship he said he felt like he hadnt slept with enough women. Its been months after but i still feel like he thinks about this a lot and that the more serious we get the higher the chances are that he will cheat. What do you guys think? and i would like a mans advice and comment on this as well! Thanks

This is a problem. If a guy has strong feelings for you, it won’t matter how many girls he has been with because he would love you and not want anyone else. Why? Because no one else would compare to you. Even if you were his first. No exceptions. You said you have been dating him for about  a year? So ask yourself, does he still feels this way? If your not sure then find out, ask his friends, and ask him. If he is dumb enough to tell the girl he has been dating for a year that he still has a desire to have sex with more girls, then it means he loves you but is not in love with you; and yes he will cheat if the opportunity presents itself. I have written about when to end a long term relationship, and it might be the case of that your in love with him, but he just likes you and is too much of a wuss to break it off for fear of being alone. However, if you ask him about it and he says, I love you, your the only one for me (and so forth) then you don’t have that much to worry about. Read More…

How do I tell a guy to Slow it down?

guys in bands

How do I tell a guy to slow down when it comes to moving too fast without him thinking I’m not interested? He wants to meet Friday, but I want to get to know him a little more first. I don’t want him to think i’m not interested but as soon as a guy starts to move a little fast for me I start to freeze up. Help!

Freezing up? No need to freeze up, it comes across like need  a little more practice an confidence with guys. It also sounds like you have not meet him yet, so I take it you meet him off a dating site? Anyways, the most annoying thing you can do is ignore him, IE: not return his calls, text or emails. All of a sudden change your mind and not meet him. This approach is very confusing to men as we are typically straightforward with one another. Remember the golden rule you were taught as a kid? Yep, honesty is the best policy.

If you don’t like what he is doing, and want to know how to tell a guy to slow it down, then just tell him. Men are not psychic, we can’t read minds, and were usually to a bit too clueless to pick up on subtle cues. Just tell him “I normally don’t meet guys right away, I like to have a couple conversations over the phone first. Maybe in a few weeks when I am not so busy we can meet for tea or coffee”. What is the worst that could happen? He will be offended, upset, maybe say a few mean things to you. Act like a baby or a teenager? If he ended up acting like this then you just did yourself a favor by not  wasting your time with this guy. Read More…