Is it…flowers once a month? Nice effort but no. OK how about flowers once a week. Very thoughtful Mr Romantic but again no. Alright how about flowers everyday with a card having the words “I love you” cut out of a newspaper? You sir, are a stalker (don’t cross the line of creepiness).
How could sending her flowers NOT be a good way to show you love her? Don’t get me wrong it is a good way, but what your not getting is the underlying reason WHY it is a good way. In our head, regardless of it being real or fake, their is a burden as a man to provide and protect. This is our way of demonstrating our love and commitment for the women in our life. This is done through work obviously, and work for men is not simply work, it is who we are and it is how we define ourselves. Simply put, work IS us.
The consequences of this mean that our self worth and a lot of other feelings are tied up in it. For example, the immigrant worker who is employed as a janitor in order to provide for his family and allow his children to go to college and take care of his wife. Yea it is a menial job, but he is busting his ass to providing financial security for his family and his wife. Though he may have little time with them to profess is love for them, it is through work his way of showing them his love for them.
Lets take it one step further. It is really not that far of a stretch for most guys to think longer hours = more love..and you know what? Most of us would not have it any other way. However, guys assume women understand all this. We just assume that she understands that we are doing it for her. However, If you do assume this then, for the most part, you are wrong.
What most guys over look, which also happens to be the answer to how you show her you really love her, is this: provide EMOTIONAL SECURITY. Sending flowers regularly does helps demonstrate you love her, and it also helps provide that emotional security she needs. It helps her not worry as much about the question “does he love me“.
Show You Love Her
For guys longer hours = more love, but for girls, they take it as you putting work as a priority over them. That means to her, she is NOT your top priority. This leaves her feeling unloved by you even though your doing it for her (crazy isn’t it?). How exactly do I know this? Well I have been accused of being a very insensitive man (but so has Brad Pitt, at least I have good company). Not that I do not care, on the contrary, I have done things in previous relationships to make the girl feel unloved by me when really, it could be nothing further from the truth. So listen up, because I am going to share with you some dating advice that is a solution to this dilemma. I am going to tell you how you can really show her you love her by providing for her emotional security, and it has nothing to do with buying flowers, purses, or shoes for her.
As a man, putting “emotional” and “security” together was never even something that crossed my mind until I had enough failed relationships for not paying attention to it the emotional side of women. As I started to overcome my own inherent insensitivity these are the core things I learned about what it means to provide “emotional security”:
- She sees that you make time together a priority.
- She sees your commitment to her
- She sees your dedication to constantly making the relationship better
- She sees your making an effort to provide ( as long as you don’t over do it)
- She feels “close” to you, like your each others best friend.
That’s the quick and dirty outline, that wont help you much by itself so lets get into some details to enlighten you.
She Sees that You Make Time Together a Priority
She needs to feel like a priority. She needs to FEEL that you put her first above all else. That even if you were rich and had no financial issues that she would still come first. Most of us are not rich, most of us work 40 to 50 hours a week. With that said, obviously their are a limited number of hours in the week. Every hour you devote to outside activities apart from work she views it as just one more hour away from her. Of course she cant expect you to spend every non work hour with her, but what you have to make sure to NOT DO is make her feel like your constantly choosing other priorities over her. Strike a balance and remember, make her FEEL like a priority.
She Sees Your Commitment to Her
She needs to know that you will be their for her no matter what. Sure, you may have a “good” relationship right now at this moment in time, but she still needs to know that your not going anywhere physically or emotionally. A great illustration of this is found in that Disney movie “The Parent Trap”. Nick is an American Dad and Liz is a British mom. The two of them care for each other, but for whatever reason they separated. As such, Nick, years later, asked Liz about what happened between them, why she thought they broke up. To sum it up she said I packed up, got on a plane, and you didn’t come after me to stop me. Nick’s response was I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO. Liz in the movie was testing him, she was trying to see what kind of man he was, what he was made of, and if he loved her and wanted to be with her, and he failed, miserably. If Nick had just demonstrate a level of commitment to her and chased her to stop her from leaving that would have made all the difference in the world to her. But he didn’t… idiot.
She Sees Your Dedication to Constantly Making Your Relationship Better
She will feel emotionally secure if you take the time to let her know she is appreciated. You start off the relationship as a partnership, make sure it does not become a sole proprietorship with her doing all the work, or with her FEELING like she is doing all the work in the relationship. Gifts, phone messages, thanks yous, are all little things you can do to demonstrate your dedication to the relationship.
She Sees Your Making an Effort to Provide
Guys focus on results, girls tend to care more about the effort (but results do matter to a point). Do what you normally and instinctively do and provide and protect her. Just make sure it doesn’t squeeze out the above three, or you have learned nothing by reading this.
She Feels Close to You
Sleeping next to her every other night does not mean your close. Yes your physically close (duh) but that still does not necessarily mean your close. Like if your idea of spending time together means having her watch you play Xbox, then sure, technically your spending time together, but your not spending quality time together. Your not connecting with her and making her a priority. Your making Xbox the priority. She needs to feel loved and needed by you. Small gestures go a long way. Actually, small gestures, better know as “the little things” are all the difference in the world for a girl feeling loved and secure, and not. This sense of security for her doesn’t come from her being able to express her feeling towards you, it comes from her KNOWING your feeling towards her. She knows you love her, she knows your her best friend, she knows your not going anywhere, because of these three things, she feels close and emotionally secure with you.