How to End a Long-Term Relationship

end long term relationship

Welcome, thanks for visiting. Lets go over 1) how to end a long term relationship and 2) when to end a long term relationships. Both go hand in hand with one another so it will be a good exercise to help you in your decision to hit the ejection button on your long term relationship.

When To End a Long Term Relationship

Relationships in which one person does not feel as strongly as the other person are actually not that uncommon.  In all reality, it is one of the reasons why people break up with each other in the first place. So how do you know if that’s the relationship you find yourself in now? Specifically, how do you know if your in a long term relationship, (one that is heading towards eventual engagement and marriage) that is secretly made up of one person who is not actually truly madly in love with the other person. How do you figure out which one of you is having the second thoughts?  If upon reading this you realize that your the YOUR the person with second thoughts that knows in their heart the following statement to be true: “I don’t love him/her as much as he/she love me”, then take note of this and try to kill your complacency. Do yourself and your current girlfriend/boyfriend a favor, and break it off. Why? Because everyone deserves to be loved. No sense in having two unhappy people in the long run. Break it off so both of you can find the love and happiness you both need and want. For everyone else, lets go through some questions to help you decide how to and when to, end a long term relationship.

Is your relationship just average? No real complaints, but certainly nothing to get excited about. Just average. Before you answer, lets define average as this: You have fun spending time together, your family thinks your boyfriend/girlfriend is nice and sweet. You two get along for the most part, you don’t really fight, everything is just bumping along uneventfully. A 7 out of 10 lets say. So what do you do? Stay or go? Well it is a 7 out of 10 typically because one half is in love and the other half is not. If both sides were in love it would be a 10 out of 10, and if both were not in love, the relationship would be over. What ends up happening is one person is in love, and the other person is just complacent. To afraid to end the long term relationship and be alone. So If your the half that is NOT in love, stop being afraid and realize that your ambivalent state is more worse than being single. Ambivalent is this:

  • It’s when you realize that what you have is a blessing, but you just don’t love them like you loved others in the past.
  • You feel you are are indeed lucky to have found someone who loves you, and are happy for that, but you have grown to be content with average. Your not passionate or inspired in your relationship.
  • The thought of leaving and being alone again, single and looking is something scary.
  • You think to yourself that what  you have is alright, you know it will never be better, but it beats being alone.
  • You also think that what if you end the relationship and the love you have, and trade it for being single forever? You would rather be in a loveless relationship than being single forever.

Lets talk about what will really happen if you do overcome your ambivalence, and do indeed develop the courage to end your long term relationship. First, for most, it will in the beginning feel like you made a mistake. It will feel like a mistake because inadvertently you will have feelings for the  person you just broke up with. However, remember this: you will never find true love and happiness if you dont break it off. You are holding yourself back from a truly rewarding relationship. Do not settle for an average, “its ok” relationship. Go for that something really special relationship. Your also allowing the other person you broke up with to find someone else who can love them back just as much as they love you. Yes they will be heart broken since they love you, but they deserve to be loved back just as much as they loved you. Your fear of being alone and not breaking it off when you know in your heart of hearts you should, is selfish.

breaking up

Good to stay, but bad to leave. This is the sentiment you will have if you feel trapped in a long term relationship. This trapped feeling will never become love. The problem with this sentiment often times is that your balancing the pros and con’s of a relationship, which is logical to do in regards to making a decision as to whether you should stay or leave; but love is not a math problem. Every relationship has it’s good  and bad, no relationship is perfect; but to trying and out-weigh the positives over the negatives in trying to determine a matter of the heart is absurd because  the most important criteria being neglected. The love and happiness of both sides. Which you can not quantify. Is it really fair to keep stringing  along that other person? No. So hit that eject button, take that risk, be alone, and get your butt in gear and go find what you looking for; and let the other person find someone who loves them just as much as they have love you.

Instead of balancing pros and con’s you need to diagnose your relationship. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you in Love? Honestly?
  • Do you really want marry the other person?
  • Do you really want to have children with the other person?
  • If your relationship was over tomorrow, would you be thankful that it is finally over so you can move on now?
  • Would you cheat if the opportunity presented itself? If yes, that’s a red flag for sure.
  • Are your needs being meet in the relationship with out too much difficulty?

By no means are these definitive questions, you should  come up with your own brutally honest questions. You know your relationship best; and don’t question weather or not you should leave. If it is clear that you should leave, then leave; but taking some time, by yourself, to face some tough, honest questions about your relationship, and not lying to yourself, or weighing the pros and con’s can be very helpful in your romantic life. It could even be helpful in your other non-romantic relationships.  It can be a tough adjustment back to singledom, you need to sharpen your skills again to attract a new partner, but your in a better spot of being able to find someone new as a single person, than as an attached person. Remember, that person that loves you deserves to be loved back  just as much. It is ok to date someone for a while. But if it gets to a point where someone ends up loving you, and views you as marriage potential; but you just do not feel the same. You need to end it. Having the courage to do so is the first step. Take that first step since both of you will be much much happier in the long run.

How To End a Long Term Relationship

Their is no best way to end a long term relationship with someone, though their are many bad ways to end a long term relationship. The most common being  infidelity. Do not cheat. Women often times will not ditch the man they are with until they find a new man. If you want to avoid causing needless pain and friction try to not do this. It will only cause hurt and anger in the other person. Your goal with ending a long term relationship should be to make it as quick and painless as possible. If your a man, then be a man about it and break it off with her. Tell her how you feel but get over the fear of hurting her. Your going to hurt her feelings if you stay or if you go. Either way, breaking up is miserable business and it is one best done directly.Face the reality and just do it. Men often times drag relationships that were meant to be short trists into full blow long term relationships for fear of breaking someones heart. Don’t be that guy.

If your no longer happy and have read the above section and find that it describes you very well then your next step is to get the courage and tell the other person that it is over. Tell them  you want to end the relationship. Also tell them you care about them, but they deserve someone who can love them back equally. Your going to hurt feelings, but that is just how it is. When you break up make it clear that it is over. Say you care, but at the same time make it crystal clear that it is over. Saying you “need space” or you “need a break” is ambiguous. Make it clear you want to break up because your not happy and both of you need to find someone else. Ending a long term relationship is painful and will take adjustment, but both of you will be better in the long run for it.

Creative Commons License photo credit: mandyxclear
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