A question about role reversal where the girly man boyfriend makes his woman feel like the man in the relationship. That’s the theme of this weeks question. Whats up guys? Like always, thanks for visiting. Let’s get right to it. Here is the question:
I finally met a female guy. What I mean is that I feel like the man in the relationship. Now don’t get me wrong. Its great, to a point. I do like that he is sensitive, caring, and loving; but I feel like he needs to man it up a bit.
I get tired of his need for constant communication, always wanting to know what I am thinking, doing, and feeling. Always telling me we need to communicate more.
What is the best way for me to tell this guy enough is enough? That we don’t need to discuss the same 5 things over and over again for 5 hours straight. Does this happen to you? Go over something endlessly to the point where its frustrating and your head hurts from frying your brain cells over repetitive issues? Or am I weird?
Maybe I’m not girly enough. Deep down, am I more like a man than a girl?
(I followed up and asked her to elaborate further by providing an example):
I tell him I do not need to think about our relationship as much as he does. Oh, and its always about “screw ups” I did in our relationship and how I need to change. Most of the time I have no idea what he is talking about. A typical confusing conversation with him goes like this:
Him: Do you remember what you said to me a month ago?
Me: I guess, I said a lot of things a month ago. What are you talking about?
Him: You don’t remember? You said it a couple of times.
Me: ???? Could you be specific?
Him: How can you not remember our long conversation? Communication is an important part of a relationship. Don’t you want to grow closer to me? You told me how you can be stubborn once in a while. You said that to me twice. I think being stubborn not is healthy if were trying to build a relationship together.
Me: I don’t remember saying that, but yea I guess I can be stubborn at times.
Him: I don’t understand you, why can’t you open yourself up to me and talk about our relationship?
Me: *heavy sigh* OK let talk about it then. What do you want to know, ask me anything you want.
Him: I shouldn’t have to ask you, we should just have open fluid conversation since were in a relationship with one another.
Me: *Even heavier sigh*
This goes on and on for about 2 hours. Why do you have to talk about the same things over and over again? He wants me to constantly open up and share, but their is nothing to share! What you see is what you see. Why doesn’t he get this? It drives me crazy. He always say I do not call him enough, I do not text him enough, I do not see him enough. For f&%k sake, I have to get to sleep and work in the morning. When I get to work, the other women complain about the things he complains about which got me thinking that maybe my head is geared wrong. Maybe I’m the man and he is the woman. I’m genuinely not hiding anything, I just don’t want to talk about nothing. What should I do?
Girly Man Role Reversal?
You do sound like, well, a man. This whole question reminds me of the image of trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole. This is not an issue of who is right and who is wrong. That is, you should open up more and he should talk less. Rather, it looks like you two are simply a mis-match. His communication style is indeed more in common with a typical girl. Does that make him a girly man? Nope, he just sounds like a sensitive guy who really likes you. In his head he has a concept of what a relationship should be like: open fluid communication about feelings and values that really is not a good fit for you. Your communication style is more in sync with most men: I am what I am, I think what I think, I feel what I feel, their is nothing to more to get into or share. There is nothing deeper, it is what it is, stop asking me already.
Lets break your question down into parts since you asked a lot.
What is the best way to tell a guy enough is enough?
Funny you ask that, just be honest and open with him (haha get it?). Seriously though, just come out and tell him to chill out. Tell him it drives you crazy and you don’t like it. Say it in a calm but direct way though. Tell him his constant neediness is pushing you away, but also tell him what you told me about how you appreciate his sensitivity, tenderness, and love. You two are a mis-match and this communication gap may drive the two of you apart if it can not be solved. It boils down to different communication styles. Just the way your asking me how to tell him enough is enough, he could ask the revers: “How do I make her open up more”. Your dating a female girly man guy, he is what he it, and he acts the way he acts. It will be difficult to change this aspect of him, as it is difficult for him to get you to open up (even though you feel like you do). If you have already tried this, you may just need to accept this part of your relationship, or end it.
Does this happen to you?
Yes, every time. Every girl I have been with worries about the relationship with me. They worry about if I love them and how I feel about them. They evaluate me on my qualities to see if I have good potential provider. They want to constantly talk about this over and over again. Most women are like this, but not all as your a case in point. Read does he love me to get a better idea about how most women worry and how it is the responsibility of the man to constantly reassure her that everything is alright.
Deep down, am I more like a man than a girl?
In terms of communication? Based on your question and reading your passionate frustration, I would be comfortable giving it a clear “yes”.
What Should I do?
Continue working on finding an equilibrium in the relationship. If you can not achieve a nice balance for the both of you, it might be best to end this relationship as both of you will grow unhappy with one another.You feel like the man in the relationship and view him, the actual man, as a girly man. You resistance to deep conversation, and his tendency to want to get into every little detail seems to be personality traits, and personality traits are difficult things to change. Yes you can change personality traits, but not over night or in a few short weeks. It takes long, consistent, concerted effort to improve your self esteem for example. So it will require the same amount of work to change his girly man communication nature and your masculine style of communication into something both of you are happy and contented with.