Dating and relationship Q&A time again. This one come from a guy who made friends with a girl, thinks the girl likes him, asks her out, but then is disappointingly rejected, and wants to know why. Dealing with rejection, what did I do wrong? Here is what he asks, so lets help him out:
I was rejected by this girl an I am not sure why. I want to know what I did wrong and I need some advice. I’m in college and I meet this girl through some friends. Over time we developed a friendship. She is really beautiful and I really like her. Eventually she started to become very flirtatious with me like being playful and fun when were out, smiling at me, making jokes. Just enjoying herself with me. I started to think she liked me because she was giving me that vibe and I went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend. She then rejected me saying she is not looking for a serious relationship now. What gives? Did I approach her the wrong way? If so should I ask her out again a bit later the “right” way? Is she being honest in telling me she does not want a serious relationship, or is it me? I think she does likes me so I’m not sure what I did wrong.
Dealing with rejection is never fun and I’m sorry things did not work out for you. I applaud you for taking action and actually asking her out. Your not just going to magically find yourself in the relationship you want without taking action and taking risks, so good job on that part. Unfortunately, she is just not romantically interested in you. It is not the end of the world, it is just a part of the game of dating and relationships. It sounds a little bit like you simply told yourself in your head she likes you. You said it so many times you actually started to believe she liked you. You might have ignored the signs that showed she was NOT into you and payed attention to only the signs that showed she had interest in you. I will say this though, she does like you on some level, and is attracted to you on some level, but is just not interested in you as a boyfriend. She has fun with you and enjoys your company and like the attention you give her, but that is it. So it comes to this, you have two options to take:
1) Continue being her friend, and only her friend, with the intention of simply friendship with no prospects on romance. If you choose this you must accept her as only your friend and be OK if and when she starts dating someone else because she will, and it will not be you. OR,
2) Move on. To deal with her rejection it might be best to stop contact with her so you can focus your feeling off her and onto someone else. This might be challenging being in the same college and having mutual friends and lets not forget good old Facebook of course, but why torture yourself? Attraction is not a choice, burn that into your brain. Attraction is not a choice. Girls you find very attractive you understand that you did not have to be convinced or talked into being attracted to them, you just are. It is the same way for the girl you like. When she told you she was not looking for a serious relationship, that was her way of saying she was not interested in YOU; and once a girl puts you into the “NO” category in her head, their is little you can do directly to change that.
Dealing with Rejection: Lets pick apart your question
I was rejected by this girl and I am not sure why.
She is not romantically interested in you. She does not want to date you, that is why she rejected you.
I want to know what I did wrong.
Being rejected does not necessarily imply you did anything wrong, it just means she is not interested in you. The question you should ask yourself or even her if you have the guts, is why. Why is she not attracted to you. From their you can make changes if need be. What it comes down to is being happy and confident in yourself. If their is a part of you that you think you could improve, then get to work on it. It you two are just not a good match, then your just not a good match. Take a personal inventory and figure this out for yourself.
She then rejected me saying she is not looking for a serious relationship now. What gives?
That was her way of saying she is not interested in you. Girls will typically make up excuses to reject men. I had one girl tell me after a second date that she will call me once things “slow down” (huh?). Yep, that was aka for “your nice but I don’t see a relationship with you”. Happens to the best of us. I just moved on and continued dating girls I had better chemistry with. Remember, if she likes you and wants you, no girl would say NO to a man she was interested in.
Did I approach her the wrong way?
If she likes you, she likes you. Of course their are way you could be a bit smooth and romantic, and their are ways you could be a bumbling idiot, but the actual approach for a girl you have an established relationship with (as opposed to a girl you just met) matters little.
Should I ask her out again?
No. Your in the “NO” category in her head. Be strong and just accept she is not interested in you.
Is she being honest in telling me she does not want a serious relationship?
Yes an no. Yes in the sense she does not want a serious relationship with YOU, no in the sense that she is not open to a serious relationship with a guy period.
I think she likes me so I’m not sure what I did wrong.
She likes you as a friend, she like the attention you give her, she likes knowing that you have the hots for her, but she does not like you in terms of being a potential boyfriend.
One Final Not for Dealing with Rejection
Rejection is not fun, but the more you go through it, the easier it gets to deal with. The best way to handle rejection is to be genuinely happy and confident in yourself. To be at a point where you can look in the mirror and go “that is a sexy man”. When you have high self esteem and high self worth, when you know who you are and what you do. Rejection from some woman will be disappointing but it won’t be as gut wrenching as it normally can be. No one likes to be told their not good enough, cute enough, whatever, but you will be rejected by women so learn to deal with it by focusing on yourself and making yourself into your higher self. Become the best you can be, so you can attract the best. The most successful relationships start with the relationship you have with yourself.