Texting: Am I Neurotic or was I Blown Off?

texting blown off

This week I am starting some small changes in my daily routine to become more productive. To start, I bought myself a simple little cork board where I can post positive affirmations like “I make $8,000 a month” and “I am productive” and lastly “I get things done”. My goal is to test to see if these if these reminders infiltrate my subliminal sub-consciousness and help shape what I want into reality through shaping my thoughts. I will report back my findings or failures (hopefully no failures and better yet, hopefully I will double my income goal and make $16,000 a month!) I also started getting up a lot earlier. I tend to find myself most productive early in the morning and late in the evening (go figure).

So lets get to this weeks question. It is another one on texting. This has been an interesting finding since starting this site. By using Google’s Keyword tool to find some topic ideas around what people are actually searching for, texting has been a bit of a dark horse. It is not something that people search for specifically, but it has been something that resonates with a personal development/dating advice readership. Texting seems to be such a popular topic, I might just create a short free ebook to discuss this in more detail since I regularly get questions around it. But before I digress any further, lets go cover this weeks question. It is from a woman who is being overly sensitive (in my opinion, if you disagree let me know in the comments) and is interpreting a text conversation as a form of rejection:

Having been on a few dates with this guy I really like, I decided to text him out of the blue. We had a little exchange going back and forth when suddenly he stopped replying back. I waited an hour or so for a response but I got nothing. I told myself “wait for him to reply”, but of course I didn’t and I sent him a text asking if everything was alright and if my last message offended him in some way. No response. Feeling stupid, I waited another hour for him to reply back and he did. He said he was not offended and that I was crazy to think that. He said he just stopped checking his phone. Well what the hell? We were in the middle of a conversation (at least I thought we were). So was I blown off or am I neurotic?

First, thanks for reaching out to me for help. I strongly suggest you read this other question on text messaging: Love text messaging, doe he like me or not? I covered lots of different scenarios that I think you may find useful. Were you blown off? A small maybe, but if he was NOT interested in talking with you, he most likly would have simply ignored your text messages all together. It is the same thing that girls do to guys.

Your case is a little different than that other question. You have already been out with this man numerous times. You like him so you texted him to talk and connect with him as opposed to texting him after a first date to “test the waters” to see if he liked you or not. Like the picture I made for this post, some guys find texting a bit annoying. I personally hate texting. I do not enjoy dragging out a conversation that would take 30 seconds over the phone into a 10 minute textathon. So I can relate to this guy not checking his phone. Nothing personal, it is just a bit tedious and other things have to be done.

Texting should typically be left for NEED TO KNOW information when forming a new relationship with someone, just for this reason. Texting will be misinterpreted. Perception is reality. Even if potentially in his mind was not blowing you off, you perceive that way. Because of your perception,  it now creates pointless conflict within the new relationship with you asking him through a text “are you offended”. Keep it to need to know, like “I’m running late” or “I had a really nice time with you” or “good morning handsome”. Use texting as a way to tease and flirt, not as a substitute for a real conversation. You thought you were having a conversation through texting? How about this, just call him and talk to him and have a real conversation. Problem solved. Yes I understand that texting may be a way for you to not feel like your “being annoying” by calling him and wanting to talk to him, but this is exactly what is happening with texting. Call him, if he doesn’t pick up, leave a short message. If he likes you he will return your call within 24 hours.

Next, texting is a bit insidious because how exactly is he to reply back to “are you offended”? The answer you want and NEED from him, in order for him to calm you down and reassure you that everything is find will require a lot more detail than a simple text back saying “no, why would you think that”. I understand you feel blown off a bit, that maybe he should have indicated that he was busy, but your texting, and texting is not a particularly fluid way to communicate. You send a message, wait 5 minutes, he replies back, he waits 7 minutes. Texting and making these little messages into a conversation is insane. For many guys (myself included) do not like to text ( I will only do it if I like you), do not carry our phone on our person 24/7, and find the whole process a bit tedious and burdensome of trying to converse over the phone with words typed into a micro keyboard.

Also, what kind of text messages are you sending? Are they thoughtful and creative or are they boring and generic? When a girl sends me a “hey whats up”, when I am at work, the mall, gym, or just living my life in any number of ways; I don’t feel any urgent need to reply because this is how is will go:

HER: hey whats up

ME: not much, u?

HER: nothing, just at home

ME: no response

HER: You don’t want to talk?

ME: no I do (while in my head thinking:  how exactly am I to respond to you telling me your at home? Why don’t you just ask me something? If you want to talk just CALL ME)

So To wrap this up, here is a quick little recap to go by:

Texting: Am I Neurotic or was I Blown Off?

  • -Keep Texting to need to know information.
  • -Use texting as a way to flirt.
  • -DO NOT use texting as a substitute for a conversation.
  • -Boring messages like “hey” are annoying. Keep it either flirting or need to know. If you want to talk, then call.
  • -If your a bit shy to call, then you have to overcome that personal roadblock.
  • -Best time to call (depending on schedule of course) is after 7:30 pm during the week, and in late morning on the weekend.
  • -If you text or call and get no reply after 24 hours, THAT is being blown off.
  • -Not everyone caries their phone around with them all the time.
  • -Not everyone replies to a text the second they receive it.
  • Again, use texting as a way to flirt or as need to know information, otherwise, suck it up and call the other person.

I hope this helps. I don’t pretend to know everything and I am sure many of you have your own opinion on this matter. I enjoy hearing your thoughts. Let me know what you think.

-David (texting impaired)

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