Is online dating super awesome? It used to be the territory of the desperate, timid, socially awkward right? Lets throw in some people from the witness protection agency for fun too. Now-a-days with the advent of web 2.0 (think Facebook, Youtube, Twitter) there has been an explosion of dating sites, there as common as Starbucks and as popular. No doubt, online dating has become the modern day match maker, but instead of having your aunt preach the praises of the girl next door, or of her cute nephew. Its a do it yourself solution.
The biggest question most ask is where and how do you meet people that are date worthy? Once your done with school and your working full time it gets harder and harder. Are you going to meet the love of your life at a bar? At a friends party? Or maybe when your strolling through the mall? Maybe, but this is why online dating has become so popular. It is difficult to meet quality people if your single and on your own. Learning how to date online is critical because if you screw it up, your missing out on a wonderful way to meet a variety of people you never would.
One Advantage of Finding a Date Online
The awesome thing about online dating is it acts as a catalog of men and women in every shape size and color. Come one, you can literally browse other human beings by category, : White, Black, Asian, mix, other. Set predefined height limits, set up filters on who can talk to you and who can’t. You can also check out the new arrivals, but stay away from the clearance section unless you really are desperate. Categories allow you to browse by whatever is your “type”. Forget goals and ambition I want Mr guy-who-plays-in-band or Ms former Hot Blond Playboy model 2004.
Online dating exposes you to more variaty
It allows you to meet girls and guys you otherwise wouldn’t. Plain and simple this is the best reason why I use online dating in conjunction with going out. You meet girls/guys all the time, but when you do the same thing week after week, the same 3 bars, the same 4 clubs, in the same 3 towns over and over. The variety starts to dwindle, you find yourself meeting the same type over and over again. Online dating can help break this cycle up. Maybe you’ll meet the busy entrepreneur like me who works all the time and never gets out, maybe you’ll meet that beautiful family/career oriented girl who doesn’t like bars, or maybe you’ll meet the 35 yr old who live at home with mom and dad and doesn’t go out because he has no friends. There is risk in online dating, but the best reason to do it is the potential that you might me someone great, someone you otherwise wouldn’t.
So What Are you Looking for?
Dating sites cater to different crowds. Lets go through some of them to figure out if their super awesome:
Match.com: Match is the godfather of online dating, one of the first and best sites out their. Sure there is a membership cost, and that’s always annoying, BUT the crowd here seems to be genuinely interested in finding someone to date and match has a big user base.
Yahoo Personals: Its exactly like match.com except with uglier colors (just MHO). Yahoo Personals is good, it has a membership that you have to pay for, but it’s yahoo. It has a ton of users, real people looking to meet someone.
Eharmony: Simply put (and this is just my opinion and experience) they suck. A complete waste of money. Eharmony is way to expensive for an automated matching service. Whats worst, is if your a paying member and you matched with someone who is not a paying member, you can’t communicate with one another. What a rip off! If you pay, you should have full access…I thought this was a “relationship” site. Also, as I have talked about, online dating comes down mostly to your picture. If someone does not think your cute, it wont matter what you say or how you say it. They won’t meet you.
Chemistry: A good alternative to Eharmony. Unlike Eharmony, you can set up your profile and view your matches for free, then decide if you like their matching system and sign up for a membership. I know Eharmony like to say “view your matches for free” but what they leave out is that you can not view the photo, so sure it says your matched to liz565, but you have no idea if shes even real or what she looks like. Not so with Chemistry, plus they cost less so thats always good.
Singlesnet: I like Singlesnet, there a no bullsh#t site. It takes literally a minute to create a profile, you throw up a pic, add a couple sentences about you and your good to go. You can quickly start viewing other members in your area, see what their is to offer and make a decision on weather you want to buy a membership or not. Ive had good experiences with them so there worth checking out.
Plentyoffish: There big and their free. A guy named Markus built the site all by himself and is now a millionaire because of it. Plenty of fish is very ugly and can be a bit confusing to navigate, but this is made up by the fact that their free and there are a lot of users. The only problem and its a big one, is that it attracts dating site bumbs. Guys who send emails to girls get offended when they don’t get a response and send hate mail. Ive talked to women on the site and this is the biggest drawback. Attractive girls get 20-30 emails a day and are often harassed, thus the end up leaving the site. However, plenty of fish is still a decent site with a good community. Their worth checking out.
Craigslist is free, which is always good. I once meet an absolutely beautiful girl once off of their, but honestly it was a fluke. My experience is that its a haven for fake profiles and the desperate. Also, you don’t create a profile, you create an ad, which will be gone after a month. Browse for fun, but don’t take it too seriously. Craiglist personals is not super awesome, I would generally stay away.
Okcupid: Ok i dont get it. Site made by a bunch of math dorks from an ivy league school. Okcupid lets you take endless surveys to help match you. The good points are that its free, and it shows you how picky someone is. It will literally say this person is “very selective” in who he/she replies too. This is useful so you don’t end up wasting your time.
RANDOM NICHE SITES
Niche Sites, whats really to say? looking for dark chocolate or the far east? Looking to date the chosen or be picked by the chosen? Yep there’s a site for that.
OK SO WHERE WERE WE?
Once you figured out what your looking for and what site might be right for you, sign up for a site or two. 30-40$ a month is not going to break the bank. Your not going to get scammed, if you want to cancel after one month, you can really cancel with no worries of future charges. Also make sure your profile explains WHAT you looking for, not just why someone should be interested in you.
Profiles that suck
I’m a very successful businessman who is the VP of finance at a fortune 500 company. I like to play music in my rock band, I speak 3 languages, and I save kittens from shelters on the weekend.
What I am looking for: Someone who is nice and cute.
What this says really is that you have no idea what you want, and are probobly a bit full of yourself, which is not sexy. You did a good job selling yourself, you just need to work more on what you want. Take a more balanced approach.
About me: Whats up? Im 24, I like to chill, looking for a cool girl to relax with. My goal is to win the lotto and open a bar.
what I am looking for: Someone who knows how to have a good time
You come off like an idiot if you write this.
Online Dating First Impression
We all exaggerate a bit. Your going to want to say your a bit taller than you actually are or that you make a little more money than you actually do. She’s going to want to say shes a little younger than she is and that she weighs a little less than she does. This is just how it is, we all do it. Remember, lie enough to get to coffee, but not too much to not get to bed. Don’t say your something that your not. Don’t say “I’m a millionaire cowboy astronaut who takes time to reflect on my feelings every day”, or “I’m a cover-girl model with a PHD in European history who travels the world”. Blatant false advertising is a no no. It will just waste your time and theirs. You want to put your best foot forward, you want to actually meet someone. This won’t happen if you lie. If your afraid of rejection then you have to overcome that fear. You will be rejected. You will not be cute enough for some people, but get over it and be yourself. Be honest but play up your stong points and your charachter traits, good and bad. No one is perfect, you will be more genuine and relatable.
Examples of strong points and character trait descriptions:
I’m a pathological liar, but I tell great stories!
My IQ is about room temperature and stairs confuse me, but I’m nice to small animals and children.
Be reasonably honest so when you meet in person, your date won’t be disappointed. You want the person to like you for you, not for who they think you are. This is easier said than done, but trust me, honesty is the best policy. Always.
Your profile is a resume, don’t screw it up:
You take time when making a resume for a job and practice for the interview. Well what the heck do you think online dating is? The profile and picture is your resume, the date is the job interview, and the late night romp means you got the job. You need to take time and care when filling this stuff out. It takes practice. Make a word document that’s dedicate to what your online profile/resume reads, that you can copy and paste on any site you end up using, just like your resume. Also, that initial email and your profile is your first 30 second interview, so don’t make these common mistakes:
USEING ALL CAPS. WHY AM I YELLING AT YOU? IM YELLING AT YOU TO TELL YOU TO NOT USE CAPS BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR YELLING.
Spell check you lazy bum
Spell check. Use the spell check. once again USE (see im yelling now) the spell check. This is not to important for girls, as as that as long as your cute a guy will message back, but for guys, you need to spell check. Little things count, and it will separate you from the losers who don’t write coherent sentences. Also, long message or short message? If your a girl, it does not really matter. Send a one or two sentence message, if he likes you he will write back regardless of what you wrote. Even if all you sent was “hi, wanna chat”? If he thinks your cute, he will write back. As for guys, if its someone your really interested in, write a long thoughtful message. Girls respond better to long messages.If you want to take the firebomb approach, then just write a good message save it in a word file, a copy and paste it to lots of girls, and by lots, I mean 5-10 girls a day. One will bite. Using this strategy, it becomes a numbers game.
If your a girl, its ok to use a bit. It makes you happy and energetic. If your a guy, it makes you look like a 14 yr old girl. So guys never use exclamation marks, you may think that it shows enthusiasm, but you would be wrong.
When you send an email to someone, be specific that your interested in them. Comment on something that they’ve done or wrote, tell that that you think their distractingly pretty, whatever. If you use the firebomb approach, and someone bites, THEN read their profile carefully and tailor your messages around what they wrote. Show that your interested and that you care. You like to cook? oh I spent a summer in France, I love french bistros. Also, guys and girls, remember to ask a question. If you send someone a message that’s “Hi, I really like you pic” or i think its cool that you like the Yankees” your not leaving much conversation open. How exactly do you respond to that other than saying thanks. You need to engage the other person a bit, if you don’t your going to bore them by making them answer stupid questions. Eventually they will just ignore you.
What you write and what he sees
Buying a house and getting a date, actually have a lot in common. For starters, there’s “code”. “Cozy” means small and cramped, “partial view” means a view of a building thats in the way, and “great potential” means money pit. The same goes for what you write. This is how a guy will interpret what you write:
Healthy and Athletic: 15 lbs overweight
loves animals: has 20+ cats
free spirit: might be slutty, aka a potential random hook up
I’m a caring woman: plain looking, over 40, bakes banana bread
Intelligent is sexy: ugly
Girls Just wanna have fun: chubby over-weight sorority chick
To have a chance with me: high maintenance,full of themselves
Don’t waste my time/ where are all the good men: a whiner with bad taste in men
The profile picture
Time to be creative right? NO. Pick a picture that looks like you. Have a male friend if your a girl, or a female friend if you a guy help tell you which one to use. What you may think looks good may not, so its always best to ask the opposite sex first when possible. Here are some tips:
- Got the angles? What are the angles? Its those annoying pictures that are shots at odd perspectives . Dont’ do that, it looks like your trying to hide your ugliness.
- DON’T use your high school photos. I don’t care if your 21, you may look good, but its weird, it shows you have no pictures of yourself. Why don’t you have pictures? Do you not go out, do you not have friends? These are the questions that will be raised, so do yourself a favor and ditch the school book photos.
- The best pics are the natural ones. Where your outside doing something, your dressed normally, the ones where you look like you, but not the ones of you 10 yrs ago, or the ones of you 20 lbs ago.
What you send vs what shes sees
You send: A pic of you with your ex cut out.
She sees: A pic of you with your ex cut out. Girls don’t like that.
You send: You only shirtless.
She sees: A weirdo.
You send: A pic with you and your pet dog.
She sees: A dog lover. Girls like that.
You send: A pic with you and your pet tarantula/python/hamster.
She sees: A Weirdo.
You send: A pic with you and your BMW/Mustang/monster truck.
She sees: A shallow status conscious guy, that thinks he can impress me with toys. She doesn’t date shallow guys.
You send: Your penis
She sees: A creepy porn freak pervert. This is the creepiest pic you can send a girl. It does not turn her on.
You send: A pic of you 20lbs lighter and 7 yrs younger.
She sees: A good looking guy, only to be disappointed when she meets you in person.
You send: You in a tux at a wedding with your friends.
She sees: she not sure which one is you, but she thinks your cute, oh wait, she thinks your friend is cute. Sorry.
The phone conversation:
After you’ve emailed on another and both like what you see, its critical to talk on the phone before you meet. This is not always an absolute, but its important as it makes the girl more comfortable with you, and you with her. It is also a good test to see if their is any chemistry. I know this can be a bit nerve raking, but after you do it a few times, you will get the hang about it. When ever you talk to someone on the phone for the first time, shoot for a 5-10 minute conversation. If it goes well then by all means go as long as need be. But to avoid the conversation being awkward, keep it to 5-10 minutes. Ask Them how they like the site, what the do for work. Listen and bounce off things they say. Also, towards the end of the conversation, bring up the idea of meeting for coffee or whatever in person. Most likely, if your talking on the phone he/she likes you! So you will probably be making plans. After you make plans, end the conversation, say you have to get ready for work, or your going somewhere, whatever. The point of talking on the phone is to develop a level of comfort with the other person as well as make plans. Once both objective are accomplished, hit the ejection button and be done with it.
One last thing about calling
This is more for guys. You ask someone out twice. If you contact the girl to hang out and do not get a response, or she tells you she’s busy, then follow up again a week or two later. If its the same response, that’s shes busy, or has to work, or has other plans. Take it as a hint she is not interested. Simple advice: When a girl likes you, she will make time for you.
Umm, I thought you were going to be cutier
So you find someone you like on a dating site, exchange a few emails, then move on to having a phone conversation that goes well, make some plans to spend an evening together or meet for coffee and….your not attracted to them in person. This is most typical with girls. Girls are generally a bit pickier, and will more often than a guy, not be attracted to her date. So What do you do? Simply enjoy the date and call it a night. If he does not call, then he got the hint your not interested. If he does call or text, ignore him the first time. If he calls a second time, then have the decency to tell him your not interested. If he acts like a baby and get offended, then just deal with it, but then be really happy you cut him off, as he is immature.If your not attracted to the girl, then follow the same advice above. Treat her like a lady, enjoy your time out,and call it a night. Do not call or text her obviously, if she follows up with you, tell her your not interested. Say Something like “someone is going to be lucky to have you” (implying that it won’t be me).
From my experience however, this is rarely the case where you will (guys and girls) have to tell the other person your not interested. Typically, your date will go well and you will have a good connection, or it won’t. Not to say that it will go bad, just that one party will be able to tell if the other party is not interested. If the date went well, make plans for a2nd date on the first date. What if your not sure if their interested? Send them a text and ask how they are. If they ignore you, then they are not interested and you should move on to the next.
If all goes well
Hey your good to go! You meet someone great and thats the point. Hopefully a nice relationship will blossom. All thanks to online dating. Remember, online dating should not be your only avenue to meet people. You need to focus on having friends and a career and all that important stuff first before you bring someone else into your life. Online dating should just simply be another avenue to meet guys and girls you otherwise would not. Nothing more, nothing less.
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