Battle of the Sexs: Why Men are more Like Women

men are like women

Battle of the sexes, men vs women, guys vs girls.The two sides have slugged it out; but is there a victor? Can there finally be an end in store for us? So that maybe, just maybe, the cliche phrase ”battle of the sexes” can be vanquished from the English lexicon forever? Well,  in a Time Magazine special, “The State of Women”, Time has officially declared the war a tie. Yes a tie. How anti-climatic. So unfortunately for me, I will be forced to continue to use the phrase Battle of the Sexes:

Its no longer a man’s world…nor is it a woman’s nation. It is a cooperative, with bylaws under constant negotiation, and expectations that profits be shared equally

But wait! How can a war, if it was indeed that, be a tie? In a war, their are winners and losers. The concept of ”its a tie” with respect to war, is as out of place as polyamory is to marriage.  Tie’s only happens in games like Football, or Chess (stalemate, I win..oh wait, were both winners or are we both losers?). In a war, regardless of the outcome of a battle, the winner is always the side who’s attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors come to dominate the postwar landscape, and by this measure, Super Awesome Dating is  declaring the Battle of the Sexes to be won by women. Sorry guys.

men like women

Men are more like women now-a-days in their attitude. Now when I say men’s attitudes are more like women’s, I am not talking about effeminate men like Adam Lambert, that men are actually more womanly today that yesteryear. I am referring to how the modern male attitude’s reflects more closly with the modern woman’s attitudes. In 1977, 72% of men thought women should be the lead  caretakers and men should be the lead breadwinners. Today, that number has dropped significantly for men. It is now only 42% of men which hold those opinions. Which, not coincidentally, is around the same number for girls who feel that way (38%).

Men are more like women in their behaviors. Back to the 1977 stats. Hours spent doing housework was 6 for men and 21 for women in 1977. Today, it is 13 for men and 17 for women. 40 years ago, time spent caring for non teenage children was 2 hours for men, and 4 hours for women. Today that number is even, 4 for men and 4 for women. Men have stepped it up, while women have entered the work force, causing the creation of a second shift to now  be evenly split between men and women.

Our corporate and political leadership has lost some of its machoness. Gone is being a tough fighter like Jack “fire the bottom 10%” Welch, or King George “”The Decider, my way or the highway” Bush. In there place is a gentler, kinder, more conciliatory style leadership. More pragmatic and conciliatory. Not wanting to offend anyone. Attempting to build more of a consensus to work together as a team like, were all in this together type persona. Perfect example: Barak Obama in the White House, or Bob Eiger at Disney.

What ever happened to wild-en out and being violent – Rapper Eminem

He's a total a Bad Ass
He’s a total a Bad Ass

Tough guyness has also lost is ripped masculine muscle. So long Arnold, Bruce and Stallone. Goodbye Terminator, Die Hard, and Rocky. Even the men with the boyish charm like Tom and Brad, who by all accounts are guys guys, are now old guys being replaced with the flaky and flirty likes of Zac Efron and the Jonas Brothers. Guys who have to sing and dance to charm the ladies and repulse the guys.Instead of impressing both sexes by blasting away some unlucky vilian with a full metal jacket round out of an Ak-47. Or take the dark and dangerous but oh so gentle and caring Robert Pattinson (at least he has facial hair) as a vampire in the Twilight series. Don’t forget the gender bending pirates of the caribbean Johnny Depp. Even Bond, James Bond, Mr. Shaken not stired, womanizing man of mystery, is all shook up and stired and quite heartbroken at the thought of the one woman he really truly loved, betraying him. Quite a feminine theme indeed.

So men’s attitude has move to become more that of a woman’s. Men’s behaviors are more that of a woman’s, and men’s beliefs have become more like a woman’s. This war is over. Guys lose. Women win, and so to the victor, the spoils of war goes.

So what are the spoils for the victor? Freedom and choice.

Women have more choice now than ever in work, home and life. Because of this, men are starting to face the same dizying array of choices as women have to tackle. Men now have to face the choice of parental leave for a newborn child, which is a wonderful thing, but how will it affect your career? There is a risk of hampering your progress in the work force.

Men can chose to stay home longer than his dad did and assume the lead caregiver role. This happens in 40% of households in the US. Either because of choice or because of circumstance. Historically well paying man jobs like factory work, ship building, car manufacturing are disappearing and being replace with office work (in the US 40% of households have the women earning the most money). If men chose to make this choice, or are forced into it, this kind of career interruption, makes the mans skills more obsolete as well as their wages, so when they re-enter the working world, they wind up with deficient pay to reflect there deficient, out-of-date skills. Some current research is showing this kind of interruption to account for almost all of the 77 cents to the dollar male/female wage gap and NOT simply because of gender discrimination.

More choice, more problems. Since most families have two working adults, men are also face with the choice of having to arrange their schedules to pick up the kids, or to chose not to pick up the kids and feel guilty about not talking care of them the way he wants too. Much like women have been doing for years.

The choice filled world forged by a woman’s desire for equality in work and life has been tough for women and even tougher on guys. In regards to work/life balance: in 1977 41% of girls reported feeling conflicted. Today that number is about the same. For men however, it was 35% in the 70’s but today it is around 59% of men feeling conflicted about their work/life balance.

So women won the war, the battle of the sexes is a thing of the past…at least in the US. Men are adopting more roles that women have been juggling for years. So maybe it is not tougher on guys like I thought. Maybe men, since we lost our  machoness over the decades are more whiny, and complain more about it since their not as used to it as women.

choices Battle of the Sexs: Why Men are more Like Women

So here we are today. In a new world that is flush with choices but sparse of defined paths. A world where you as the individual and not society; define yourself, define what it means to be a man or a woman. Define what it means to be successful and happy. Defines what it means to date, to be in a relationship. In a broad view, its is a curious thing. A dangerous thing. Like a double edged sword. You can do and be whatever you want. Spend your time with who ever you wish. But if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Upon which you will end up completely lost. Leading a life of quiet desperation as you want to find a new path but no not how.

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