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October 2009

Internet Dating and Super Awesome lying

super nerdy super awesome kid

Your a liar. I’m a liar. Were all liars. Everyone tells white lies about themselves so how do you spot the online dating liar, since we can agree that most everyone is a bit deceptive. First off, why doesn’t everyone come completely clean about themselves? Well my experience is that you need to lie enough to get to coffee but also not to lie too much not get in bed. What I mean by this is that site like Eharmony and Chemistry.com, with there surveys and questions and more surveys and more questions…man does this take forever… does a good job at matching, that people do find love and end up happy.

But it always boils down to what you look like, or more specifically what your pic looks like. Sure what you write is important, long or short messages, when to ask out, when to exchange numbers, but I can tell you, If a guy thinks you look hot in that pic,  he will have no problem meeting you, regardless of what you say. Seriously! For guys though, girls really do care about what you write. With girls I would say the profile pic is 90% of the battle and as long as you don’t say anything stupid your in. Kind of like in real life if you think about it, but you need to focus on that last 10%, your approach and how you sell yourself do matter.

Guys are Creepy

So I meet this very cute Brazilian Au-pair (type of foreign exchange student program) of a dating site and we went out for a nice evening in Darien CT. Since I write Super Awesome Dating I am always curious to get a female perspective on dating and online  dating, this whole crazy process. First off, she told me that they don’t do online dating in Brazil. There is enough culture and social events that meeting people is easy, in contrast to the US. Once your out of High School and College, the most obvious question if your single is how the heck do I meet quality people? This is why online dating is so popular here.

She told me about her first experience meeting a guy off a dating site. The guy she meet she thought he was really cute, blond hair, blue eyes, said he was 6 ft and 180 lbs. So she meet him at a cafe one night. The “date” if you can call it that lasted a whole 5 minutes. Why? Because guys are creepy that’s why! The guy showed up and he was not a 6ft blond blue eyed white guy, he was a 5 ft 7 in Indian dude. I was a bit shocked by this. Why would any guy think that’s a good idea? Remember what I said:

lie enough to get to coffee, but not too much to not get to bed Read More…

How to get your EX back

how to get your ex back

You broke up. SO you want to know how to get your ex back? Well grab something to drink and do a little reading because I am about to tell you. First off, its more complicated and we need to break down the different types of breakups. Who did the break up and what were the circumstances around the destruction of your relationship. It should be clear, dating a guy is different from dating a girl, and dating a girl is different from dating a guy. First off lets go over some basic things for both sexes.

Keep contact directly after the break up to a minimum

Breaking up sucks, it is emotional and both of you are not in a clear state of mind. When someone is your ex, let them be your ex for a while so you can collect your thoughts and think more rationally about what happened. Take one of my friends, lets call him James (its not James btw). James is a decent guy, dated this girl for over a year, was never really sure about his feelings for his girl. His girl though, was in love with James. The two were going about there relationship nicely, until his girlfriend bought a condo and asked James to move in. James hesitated. Thoughts ran through his head :

Living Together: Engagement: Marriage: Rest of his life: A Very Unhappy James

So James, instead of being a man and breaking it off with his girlfriend,  made up excuses as to why he wouldn’t move in. Frustrated with James, not simply over this issue, but also a culmination of reasons. Which can  basically be summed up as James inability to be the man she wants, because he never really wanted to be her man in the first place. Went out with two guys she just meet at the condo complex she just moved into. Two guys Jame never meet. Can you guess what happened? Yep she cheated on James. Relationship over.

Now, James never even wanted to date her really, but now he is all messed up in the head, wanting to know how to get your ex back. The moral of the story is that you need time apart from one another. Sure they may start dating someone else, but usually rebound relationships are full of problems. Spending time apart is the best way to ensure you get your ex back. Take a few months, don’t call, don’t text, don’t ANYTHING. This is what I told my friend James. Time apart allowed him to clear his head, and realize that he never wanted to be with her in the first place. He was just being emotional. Next Up: Read More…

Guys that suck – Bad Dates you want to Avoid

guys that suck - types you want to avoid

An important part of dating is not just simply getting out their, it is knowing who to date and who NOT to date. Unfortunately for girls, many many guys simply suck at dating, the results are bad dates you want to avoid. Often times when I talk to girls about their concerns, a lot of recurring themes pop up.

For starters, men are not gentlemen anymore. Something as simple as opening the car door can go a long way with a girl. Most of the time, it just never occurs to a man to do that. If you need more of a hint, then I’m telling you to OPEN the car door for your girl. It works. It is always the little things that make or break dating. Another complaint when I get into online dating,  is three fold:  guys are either way to aggressive, move to fast physically, and act like babies if rejected.

When messaging  a girl on a dating site guys, never ask her to meet you in the first two emails. Never bring up intimate stuff, that includes “wow I like your pic, you have nice legs”… big turn off, and if you send a message and she never replies, GET OVER IT and move on. Do not send hate mail, that is acting like a baby. Maybe you aren’t cute enough for her, maybe you didn’t capture her with your message, maybe shes burned out from online dating. Maybe she gets tons of email, a lot of girls do.

You were offended? Your feeling were hurt? You need me to warm your bottle, and get your blankie? Seriously though, you have to understand that girls on dating sites get a ton of messages. Imagine getting 15 emails a day, most of them are simply “hey”, “your cute”, or “lets go out this Friday”. Online dating, girls get way more attention and have to deal with guys that suck.  From my experience, girls are not nearly as obnoxious; but I was curious about the female view point. So here is what I did.

I signed up at Singlesnet and made a female profile with a very attractive pic of one of my female friends, with her permission of course! The results? I let the profile sit for 5 days. When I checked in, I had an incredible, 100 + emails. Unless your a male model, or Ashton Kutcher. No guy on any dating site gets 100 emails. From this perspective, It is completely reasonable why a girl wouldn’t reply to your individual email. Most guys out their, try this out, it will teach you a lesson, and maybe make you think twice about sending that hate male to the girl who wouldn’t talk to you.

So girls, guys that suck – bad dates you want to avoid. Lets get crackin, here are some red flags when it comes to dating guys: Read More…

Sex, it does a body good

Sex inn sighn 300x200 Sex, it does a body good

I hit the gym for a list of reasons. At the top, it is to keep in shape, to look and feel good, be attractive to girls, and relieve stress. I also get a sense of accomplishment when I run through a good workout. As I’m sure many of you out their would agree, we are all quicker to hit the gym than the sheets when it comes to taking care of ourselves; but as anyone who has had sex before knows, having sex does a body good. Seriously. Having fun, regular, active sex, brings about good physiological benefits…assuming you don’t catch an STD obviously.

Wheres the proof? Well apart from getting it on yourself and finding out, a credible study from the Queens University in Belfast tracked the mortality of around 1,000 middle-aged guys over the course of a decade. The point was to compare guys of similar age and health to sexual frequency. Its findings, which were  published back in ‘97 in the British Medical Journal, were that men who reported climaxing the most enjoyed a death rate of half to the rest of the group. Half! So guys who get it on regularly die half as often to those who don’t. So much for abstinence.

Sex does a body good and sex and dating go hand in hand. Now, I am not talking about hooking up with random people you just meet. Super Awesome Dating is about dating. If your looking just for sex, they have sites for that. I’m talking about regular sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend in a normal stable relationship. Sex in this regard, had tons of physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental benefits. Lets run through a few of them (based on the study, and maybe a little personal experience) Read More…

How to Spot a Cheating GirlFriend

cheating girlfriend How to Spot a Cheating GirlFriend

Truth is, girls can be just as bad as guys and the thing is, is that a cheating girlfriend is a bit more sneaky about it than a guy. So how do you spot one? Here is what I think. Infidelity is kind of like an epidemic, I’m sure you or someone you know and love has been affected by it!  Cheating nowadays seems to be the cool thing to do as on average 25% of men cheat and 17% of women cheat. Not exactly uncommon.

Sure, men are more unfaithful than women, men are dogs; but women? No women never cheat…yea right! More and more are having an illicit affair out side of their relationship.

So you oblivious men out their, wake up and be more observant and sensitive to what is going on. Here are some red flags to make it easy to spot:

Girls like to look sexy, but if all of a sudden shes way more into how she looks, is much more concerned by it, then you should be concerned. If she all of a sudden she is more critical of the way you look or dress, that’s also a red flag. It means shes losing interest in you, and is looking to get attention from other men.

She’s not as physical with you as she used to be. Not as much sex, not that into sex. Having sex with you is a bit of a choir. Not really into holding your hand in public, or letting you put your arm around her, even kissing is a bit off. Chances are she is not that into you anymore and is after someone else. For girls, reduced intimacy: not that into you, looking for something else.

One reason or another shes busy. Women are masters of making up fake excuses. Remember that girl you asked out, and she told you she’ll let you know when things slow down? Ever get back to you? No? Thought so. That’s a girls way of saying “no, I’m not interested”. If a girl is not interested in you she won’t just say it, she will make up an excuse because girls avoid being direct partly because there nice, but also because they don’t have the strength to come out and say it as it is. The same excuses are also used with a cheating girlfriend. She has to always work late, or shes going out with a couple of co-workers after work all the time. She is hanging out with her sister more often (hint shes not hanging out with her sister) or is having a girls night out. Girls like to go out, but the man in her life will always come first. If you feel like your coming in second that is because you are. Read More…

How to Spot a Cheating Boyfriend

spot a cheating boyfriend
You love your boyfriend, he’s just great isn’t he? While at the same time in the back of your mind your quietly worrying about the relationship. What if he isn’t so great, and is actually a cheating, dirt-bag boyfriend? Like the saying goes, girls need a reason, guys just need a place. Typical men. Dating  is built on trust, so what if you don’t trust your man and suspect your boyfriend is cheating? Here are a few super awesome signs:

Be sucpicious of Social Media.

The Internet is for porn and social media these days. Finding someone online is not that difficult, especially with dating sites and Facebook apps, instant messenger, and forums. When your dating someone, it is actually quite difficult to meet someone new because your dating and typically spending all your free time with each other. Social media is an outlet for a guy to meet someone new without you knowing about it.  Who’s in his IM list? Check his browser history, has he been on a dating site recently? A little digging can go a long way. Be careful though, if your man is innocent and finds out you were snooping around, there are going to be problems. Respect your  man’s space with in reason.

Schedule change. What you didn’t know?

Were all creatures of habit. Guys form a routine and stick to it.  While some men may be spontaneous, this is not true for the day to day stuff.  So if their is a sudden change, without you knowing why, that’s a red flag? You shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that something is up, but as before, do a little digging around. Work hours increase or did he join an organization like Toastmasters, or did he make a new gym schedule? Though were habit forming, things change and you have to adapt. Just be tuned into whats up. The most important part is how you found out. Were you told or did you have to ask?  Read More…