Online Dating: Long or Short Messages?

you and I

Online dating:, Eharmony, Even if you won’t admit it to anyone, most of you probably have a hyped-up profile on some random dating site. Part of being on a dating site is profile surfing. Finding someone who has good pics,wrote something intelligent, and then deciding to send a thoughtful message. However, most of the time, there is no response.

The response rate to online dating messages is only about 32% of the time, according to the popular and free dating website OkCupid. This stat and far more like it are revealed on OKcupids blog: OkTrends.

OKcupid analyzed millions of messages that go through their site, and were able to discover some interesting trends. So, lets profile surf. You start clicking through profiles. Then suddenly, you stop … because something catches your eye. Pretty eyes, a great smile. Time to click “contact”. What should you write? Something long and eloquent that details why you two would be a match, or fire off a quick message that will spark a conversation?

This is essentially the question that OkCupid explores with their statistics. First, some interesting stats from their website:

  • 16% of all first messages are about 400 words.
  • First messages sent by guys are only half as likely to get a reply as ones sent from women.
  • -Guys make first contact 75% of the time

So, if your a guy, does a longer message increases your chance of a reply? Longer messages will increase your chances of getting a response, from about 22% to nearly 35%. So you should write longer messages, right? Wrong, says OkCupid. While that long messages will get more responses, you’re not going to be able to send as many.

If you can only send three messages of 3000 characters in an hour, resulting in 0.71 conversations per hour. However, if your messages were 200 characters each, you could send 10 messages and get about 1.71 conversations per hour, more than doubling your chances of finding the one. Of course, if you find someone amazing, write a very lengthy message.

Ok, enough numbers before my head explodes. From my practical experience of getting a date of line, it is best to send a quick message that relates to what the person wrote, and asks an interesting question. Long responses may get a response for guys, but that does not always mean the woman replying to the long response is interested. By sending a quick message, if the girl is interested, she will reply. Girls are the same as guys, they care about: 1) your pics (good looking, in shape etc) 2) what you wrote on your profile 3) The message you sent.

For girls contacting guys, it’s actually a bit different. The shorter the message, the better. Period. Why? Simply put, if the guy thinks your attractive, it won’t matter what you say. Shallow? Yes. I am just telling you how it is. It is up to you to decide for yourself what to do. Do not worry too much over what to say, if the guy is interested in you, he will write something back regardless.

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  • IsormamymnSom November 5, 2009

    Hi all wanted to introduce myself!! I look forward to being part of this comunity.

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