How To Overcome Shyness

self confidence

Ok so your shy. Like being tall, short, smart or stupid, popular or dorky. You were born this way. Shyness comes on a spectrum: At one end is the total wuss. On the other end is the over confident extreme called  ”Kanye West“. You want to be in the middle sweet spot. Not a wimp, or a narcissistic jerk. Just a self confident guy or girl… or at least be able to fake it.

You can never truly overcome shyness, it is apart of your pesonality, but you can control it, besides, stop worrying. We have all been there (except maybe Kanye…ok Ill stop!) at one time or another. Lets set the stage, your grocery shopping and you see someone in the frozen section and your reaction is “wow who is that”. Well dressed, sexy, interesting. Just the type you would like to meet but always complain to your friends that you never meet. You never get to meet someone like that because you take no action.  Your palms end up getting sweaty, your heart races a bit, you become more aware yourself and the other person. Whats the right approach you think? What if they think I’m creepy, or annoying, what if there dating someone, what if there married. Paralyzed with nervousness, you watch the person you’ve been looking for walk away. Then you wonder where they went, maybe could find them again and then strike up a conversation, but its too late. There gone. You fail. Game over.

Stop being a wuss, and really think about how silly all this is. All that “what if they think -insert excuse-” is just that, an excuse. You may mistake it for fear of rejection, but it is not fear, it is fake fear. Real fear is being confronted with a grizzly bear out in the wilderness of Montana and all you got to defend yourself is a bottle of whisky and a harmonica. Having a problem approaching someone your attracted to in public is not fear, its silly.


START SMALL. Start small interactions when you outside of the house. Randomly say hello to people when your out and about. Engage in a little small talk with someone in the line at the bank or the grocery store. Get comfortable talking to random people.

PAY ATTENTION! What are people doing around you? Pay attention to this and it makes it easier to strike up a conversation. Ask people questions, “whats the best drink here, whats the best sandwich around here?” Depends on the situation.  No big deal.

STOP CRITICIZING YOURSELF. Stop being so hard on yourself. Your not perfect, no one is. The voices in your head that make you apprehensive from taking action need to be told “shut the hell up”. Especially for shy types.

GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Do some of the things listed above. Figure out where your comfort zone is, then do the opposite. Push yourself. Just get out their and be friendly ans sociable, even if your faking it at first because you feel awkward.

PRACTICE. It takes work, and results aint going to happen overnight. Keep at it, don’t expect instant gratification, and don’t get discouraged and give up.

ENJOY THE RESULTS. Good or bad, a response is a response. Even if your treated negatively, it helps build your confidence and comfort. As your confidence and comfort level builds, the more comfortable other people will be around you; and BOOM, all of a sudden you find yourself flirting with someone.

Game over. You win.

Image courtesy of Alaskan Dude

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