When to End a Long-Term Relationship

Making Out In Tehran
Creative Commons License photo credit: kamshots

When do you hit the ejection button on a long term relationship? Well if your crazy in love then obviously that thought does not even occur, but perhaps it should. Let me explain.

Relationships in where one person does not feel as strongly as the other are not uncommon.  Truthfully, itt is one of the reasons why people break up to begin with. So how do you know if that’s your relationship? Well keep reading and see if the below describe you.

(Oh and to be quick, if reading this you realize your the person that has second thoughts, that thinks to themselves, I don’t love them as much as they love me. Do yourself and your gf/bf a favor then, and break it off. No sense in having two unhappy people.)

Average Relationship?

Nothing really to complain about, but it is just average. You have fun spending time together, your family thinks your boyfriend/girlfriend are great. You two get along for the most part, you don’t really fight, everything is just bumping along uneventfully. A 7 out of 10 lets say. So what do you do? Stay or go? Well it is a 7 out of 10 because one half is in love and the other half is not. If your the half that is not, then being in an ambivalent state is the worst:

  • It’s when you realize that what you have is a blessing.
  • That you are lucky to have found someone who loves you, you have grown to be content.
  • The thought of leaving and being alone again, single and looking is something you want to avoid.

If you develop the courage to end a long term relationship. It will in the beginning feel like you made a mistake because inadvertently you will have feeling for the other person. However you will never find true love and happiness.  Just remember, you are holding yourself back from a truly rewarding, not an average.  Your also allowing the other person to find someone who loves them just as much back.

I don’t Love You

Good to stay, but bad to leave. This is the sentiment you will have if you are not in love. Trapped.

The problem with this sentiment is that your balancing the pros and con’s of a relationship, which is logical, as a decision as to whether you should stay or leave; but remember love is not a math problem. Every relationship has it’s good  and bad, no relationship is perfect; but too try and out-weigh the positive over the negative in regards to determine whether to stay or leave is absurd becuase  the most important criteria being neglected is love and happiness of both sides. Which you can not quantify. Is it really fair to keep stringing  along that other person? No. So hit that eject button, take that risk, and go find what you looking for, and let the other person find someone who loves them just as much as they love you.

Question Time

Instead of balancing pros and con’s you need to diagnose your relationship:

-Are you in Love? Seriously?

-Would you marry the other person?

-Would you have children with the other person?

-If your relationship was over tomorrow, would you be thankful that it is finally over and you can move on.

-Would you cheat if the opportunity presented itself? If yes, then your probably not in love!

-Are your needs meet in the relationship with out too much difficulty?

By no means are these definitive questions,  come up with your own questions. You know your relationship best; and don’t question wheat her or not you should leave. If it is clear that you should leave, then leave; but taking some time by yourself to face some tough questions about your relationship, and not lying to yourself, or weighing the pros and con’s can be very helpful in your romantic life. It could even be helpful in your other non-romantic relationships.  It can be a tough adjustment back to singledom, you need to sharpen your skills again to attract a new partner, but your in a better spot of being able to find someone new as a single person, than as an attached person. Remember, that person that loves you deserves to be loved back  just as much. It is ok to date someone for a while, but if it gets to a point where if someone ends up loving you and you do not feel the same you need to end it. Have the courage to do so,  you will both be much much happier in the long run.

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